I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
