i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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