xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
