Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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