I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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