if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
