I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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