im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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