guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
