I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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