WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
