My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
