May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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