I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize