i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize