the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
