I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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