you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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