Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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