I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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