this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
