Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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