We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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