I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
