and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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