dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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