In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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