ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
