The maid of honor just puked.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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