I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
