glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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