Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize