the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
