I heard we made out
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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