Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
