I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
