And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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