I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
