It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
