Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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