and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
