i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
