I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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