I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
