She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
