Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it because I queefed?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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