Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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