Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
