He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
