She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
