So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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