idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
where are my eyebrows?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
