I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
