I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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