I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
