O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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