you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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