I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
