We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
