Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
