I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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