What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
