So drunk its hurt
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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