just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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