the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
