Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
