Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
