? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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