The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
